"Close your eyes and you're gone"

One thing I absolutely love about my hometown is the radio stations. As soon as I reach the point from where the OKC stations end and the Tulsa stations begin the stations are immediately changed. Z104.5 The Edge is my station. Rock and Alternative music take me away to a brand new place.

It seems that every time I am driving Beck's song Dreams(2015) comes on and I find myself immediatly jamming out. The radio goes full blast and the limited (safety percautions) car dancing begins. 

I can play this song over and over again and it never gets old. I love it! I feel this way about almost
all Beck songs. Anytime there is a Beck song that I like, I can play it all the time and never get burnt out.

He is a talented artist who deserves all of our attention! My very first song I heard from Beck was Loser(1994) and I have loved it ever since. Listening to his album Morning Phase(2014) start to end always leaves me in a super relaxed state every time I give a listen. Songs like Where It's At (1996) and Go It Alone(2005) are feel good songs that will get you moving and even when you want to stay still. The music... It will get ya'.

I will never to be able to get over how remarkable he is at writing music. He plays 14 instruments and there are plenty of artists who can even play one! He has been nominated for several awards. His list of wins are 3 Brit Awards, 5 Grammy's, and 6 MTV Video Music Awards.

I respect Beck and I believe he is a genius. Don't be surprised in 10 years when I have a son and his name is, you guessed it, Beck.

Learning Not To Care

Allow me to introduce myself:

-My name is Breanna

-I am 21 years old

-I am getting my Bachelor's in May

-I am shy

-I live miles away from my family

-I care too much

-I isolate myself

I am really nervous and shy person. I don't want like negative attention drawn to me. When you first meet me I can seem stand-offish. This is because I am afraid of being judged and hated. I am afraid that I am going to say something to embarrass myself or start being annoying by talking too much to overcompensate for being nervous. 

This happens in more social occasions where I am meeting new people or just everyday meeting of new people. I typically wait for people to come to me first so I don't feel like I am overstepping any boundaries. When I feel like I am being judged or annoying I start to isolate myself and think down on myself. I start to question why I even try or who really even cares if I have anything to say. It feels like my chest is collapsing and my head is shrinking.

Once I start to feel comfortable around people or situations I begin to feel myself or more sane feeling and can just not care of how I appear. But, this only happens when, you know, you don't feel like everyone could care less if you were there or not. 

I am not loud. I don't like to voice out personal things about my life to strangers. Deep down I just want to feel included or like I matter. 

With strangers it is bad but easy to get over. With people you care about it is a whole other story. When you feel secluded or like they can care less it hits home. 

What I am realizing is that their are two types of relationships: 

1) Mutual feelings- you are there for each other.

2) One-way- you are only there for when they need you but not the other way around. 

I care too much about relationships that are only one way. Not to say I don't care about mutual feelings because obviously it goes both ways. One-way is difficult because they normally start as mutual or you think they are mutual.

I am the person who is shy and knows who she can trust. I care too much about what people think whether they are close or not. I am slowly learning that not everyone's opinion is important. I'm learning whom my relationships are mutual with and am going to focus on those. I am going to work on being bold and confident. I am going to work on making the most of me and allowing things to fall into place. 

So please, bare with me. I am working on being who I need to be. 

Personal Note: You fit in where you are you.

Be Bridget.

So... I have never seen Bridget Jones's Diary. I have always heard about it from others or it reference in shows but I still have never seen it. I was born in '94 and this film came out in 2001, so since I would have been around 7 years old there is not room to judge me. (In yo face!)

I never understood what the hype was all about. I mean, it is just Renée Zellweger and two mediocre good-looking British guys. Then one morning I was scanning through Netflix and decided "Why not?" Side-note: I was on Fall Break; I do with my mornings what I please. 

Trying to get past Renée having a British accent was the hardest part of watching them film. Let's face it, American actors doing different accents can throw you off. Once I got past the accent I was drawn in.

Bridget has problems that I can most definitely relate it to. If I was in my 30s and was in her same situation I would be just like her. Because the issues the character deals with are so common: I believe that if any other, more "glamorous", actress would have played Bridget it would have not as been as great.

She struggles with weight constantly even recording how much she has lost and gained through her diary. Her mother is always trying to fix her up with a guy. She loves so much that it s devastating and she resorts to food and drinking. Bridget makes blue soup and fumbles around. She is average and it is great!


The best part of it is that she has two men that just have to have her. This is where every girl's fantasy comes in to play. Do you go for the safe and dependable Mark Darcy? Or, do you go for the unpredictable "bad boy" who may break your heart Daniel Cleaver.

This film is great. I feel as if you can learn from it. One would be to not judge a book by its cover. Darcy and Bridget hated each other from the beginning based off of a first-impression but then ended up realizing they were good for one another. Don't be afraid to walk away from situations. Daniel is just not a good character; he may be fun but not good. He cheats on Bridget, doesn't think she is enough for him, and just a bold-face liar. Bridget realizes she is better not being with him.

What I like the most is that Darcy tells Bridget that he likes her "Just as you are." All the time it may seem that people want to change you or you have feeling you need to changed to be liked. Do not waste your time with people who do not like you for "Just as you are." I think most of the time in romantic relationships, especially young relationships, you think that you have to change in order to have someone like you or want to be around you. If you do have to change to be with someone then you do not need to be with them. In some circumstances the changes can be good things but don't change your entire personality for a person.

Be you. That simple.

Now I haven't seen the sequel yet because I had to come back to reality and do school... No spoilers please!

Playboy: Cosmo for Men

The Internet has made getting things free fairly simple. In the digital age why pay for porn when you are literally one click-away from it. Not to mention that there are girls who show off their goodies for free for a couple of likes on the Internet, but we won't get into that now.

The first issue of Playboy was issued in 1953 and is. "When Hef created Playboy he set out to champion personal freedom and sexual liberty at a time when America was painfully conservative," as stated by the Playboy.com staff. Now sexuality and nudity can be seen almost anywhere you look such as movies, music, television and etc. Game of thrones, Miley Cyrus, Magic Mike... you get the picture. America is not as conservative as it once was. There is more freedom of what can be seen as art or obscure.

Playboy has announced that they will no longer have nudes in their magazine starting March 2016. This means for those men who claim to only read it for the articles and can stand by their word. (Does anyone remember the episode of Friends where Ross has a joke published in Playboy?) One of the main reasons for the change is how much circulation has dropped; once at 5.6 million to now 800,000.  Cory Jones, chief content officer, is stated by the New York Times saying, "The magazine will adopt a cleaner, more modern style."

Growing up with a conservative background, I was raised to believe that nudity is bad and shameful. Me, I don't necessarily believe in censorship and I know that art is important part of a society's culture and history. Michelangelo's David for example is a great piece of art that has been studied through the ages. What is the line drawn between art and perversion?

Playboy may be taking a big step in backing down from nudity. They are redefining their "entertainment for men" from provocative and racy to safe-for work and more cultural. They want to reach that broader audience. As obvious as it is: this rebranding of the magazine is either going to take it to another level or finish it.

What do you think of the change? Do you think it is a smart move? Will this make people more comfortable to read the articles in public?

Divorce: "Well that's life."

Everyday we see stories of celebrity couples divorcing or breaking up. The tabloids love to exploit the "drama" or the "inside story" whether it may be true or not. Side note: I am 21. Just by the people I know through high school, college, or just everyday life there are already so many people that have been married and/or divorced.

"Well that's life for ya," is what you'll hear from everybody. Divorce comes from many things and some times the reasons can be selfish.

There are a lot of people who grew up with their parents divorced and for most of them it seems that a pattern has already been set on how everything is going to be. I did not get that particular case. My parents divorced this past March right before my 21st birthday.

I am not going to go into the details of their divorce because that it is personal business and that is not fair to either side. What I plan to do is share my side and experience with it.

The main reason for the divorce is that they were simply not meant to be together. The problem is it took them about two decades to figure that out. In my case I didn't have to deal with my parents' separation growing up. So now I am adapting as an adult living hours away.

Going to see family is the worse. You are expected to spend time with mom then spend time with dad. You are still expected to see everyone and make appearances. People get upset no matter what the situation.  It is stressful. Me, I am the type of person who has to even everything out.

One thing I have learned is that being fair isn't practical. You see people when you see them. Trying to make everyone happy is only going to make you miserable. When no one can get along it is messy and confusing because of all the lack of communication.

Here are some things that are helping me.

1. "You'll see us when you see us..."
My papa told this to me during one of my visits back home. I was stressing about trying to divide up my time between people. A weekend is all the time I get and it's nearly not enough time. He said, "You'll see us when you see us. You are busy and if we don't see you that's okay." So much stress was taken. Elders, they help so much.

2. Staying Positive.
My boyfriend and I attend Life Church and they are currently on the series called "Stay Positive." When I am stressing out, I think about all the good things that are happening in my life. There is so much negativity in the world and it helps to be positive as much as possible. Being negative will not help you advance in life. Be positive. Be positive. Be positive.

3. A Supporting Crew
In my previous post "FRIENDS: The family you wish you had" I talked about how you need people around that can be supporting and understand you. I have friends that I know are there for me and when anything odd or big would/does occur they are always there to listen. Friends choose you, so they know how to deal with your crazy. My boyfriend is one of my biggest supports. He is constantly there for me when I have to rant or I am freaking out. I do not know what I would do without him or my friends.

4. My Brother
My little brother is a reason I can deal with the change. We are always there for each other and listen to what we have to say. We are incredibly close and would probably not be very (emotionally) strong if we did not have each other. He is going through so much right now and he is being incredibly strong. I have to stay level-headed for him. I have to be the one he can rely on to be there for him and offer honestly.

5. My Goals
Keeping goals is important. I have worked hard to put my self through college and I am just short of a year from graduating. I am excited to start my life. I stay optimistic about reaching a goal I have set for myself. Outside stress is not going to ruin my dreams. I can block out the bullshit and drama and do what needs to be done to improve myself. I know that the outside world is going to be tough once I graduate but walking across that stage is going to be sweet enough for me.

I have learned that you cannot please everyone. You have to be able to live your life. No matter the stress or the craziness. Divorce is rough no matter which way you look at it. There are plenty of other children of divorced parents that I have to deal with the tugging and pulling from one side to the other. We all learn to deal with it in the ways that seem to make more sense to us.

Be Positive. Be Productive. Be Supported. 

Thank you for making it to the end of my long personal post. Here is a golden star.

Say NO to Bullying!

Driving is not my favorite thing to do, especially if I am on a time crunch. Not that I am proud of it, but there are also some aggressive road rage at times.

A lot of the time I drive to my hometown to visit family and friends. This past weekend I took a trip to Muskogee, Oklahoma for one of my childhood friend's bachelorette party. The drive to Muskogee is approximately 2 and half hours. I usually choose to take the turnpike for the trip.

I have Toyota Corrolla, which is not the biggest car on the road. And...yes officer, I do my best to follow the speed limit.  As we all know there are times when we have to pass another vehicle on the road and in that case you sometimes have to go a little over the limit. 

On this trip I was in the process of passing semi with a group of other vehicles in front of me. Meaning: I was in a line of people passing the semi. A giant white truck, going way too fast, came right up behind me almost running into me.  There was no way I could even think about speeding up to get him off my butt because of all the cars in front of me. As soon as I was able to pass the semi, I switched lanes as soon as I could. While I was switching lanes the white truck speed past me almost running into the side of my car all while showing me his pretty middle finger.

So I have a question(s). Why? Why is there a need to bully other cars on the road? What is the accomplishment? I understand people being in a rush but I do not understand why someone would risk causing a wreck to get where they need to be. 

In a majority of my cases dealing with road bullies, it seems to be a lot of trucks doing the bullying. (If you drive a truck and don't bully then I am proud of you.) There may be just the same amount of cars that do the bullying but trucks always seem to make the situation more terrifying. 

It seems that people are too concerned with getting where they are going that they do not consider be courteous to other drivers on the road. When I see someone tailgating me I always think, "Maybe I should just slam on my breaks right now and that will show them." Although that would not be the ideal situation it sometimes seems to be worth it. 

Maybe someday these bullies will get what is coming to them but right now all we can do is make sure we drive with caution and think of others' safety. 

To all of you bullies: